"If there was a button that killed everyone I hated, I probably wouldn't press it ... but if there was a button that killed everyone who hated me, I'd press it without hesitation."
You need some kind of exercise that gets you out of your head every once in a while. If it's not swords, then running. Or sex. That's not my business. But your body doesn't create the same amount of serotonin other people's do, so you have to take care of it, okay?
[ Running. It’s an idea that will stick in his head for later. And maybe he’ll start doing it. Run before clinic duty. Run after clinic duty. Run until everything hurts outside.
But he knows very well he needs to get something out, or it will gnaw his innards raw. ]
Listen, I know I fucked up. I would understand if you were angry, or didn't want to speak to me ever again. But it sounds like this isn't your decision.
Does he let you make ultimatums about who he's allowed to talk to?
[ He loathed Danny for what he did to Quentin but as far as he knew even Quentin hadn’t made any kind of line in the sand about choosing between the two of them to anyone. ]
The people I hate the most are dead. Except for one.
[ Except for Shota.
So, he pictures it. Shota and that fake, empty smile he put on in front of peers and teachers. Flashing it for the people in town. Charming everyone he thought would benefit him.
What was mostly sadness gives way to a spike of anger. ]
… I don’t really want to think about that. Please. You’re not like him.
It doesn't bother me either way. The great thing about being immortal is you outlive everyone who has a problem with you. In, what, a century? This won't matter.
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[ Okay. That came out a little more emotional than he’d wanted. Breathe. You’re an adult. ]
I-I mean … it wouldn’t be the same. It would be weird. It was …
[ It was ours. ]
I’ve got Moon Dregs. I don’t need it right now. I’m thankful you thought of me, but …
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But he knows very well he needs to get something out, or it will gnaw his innards raw. ]
You know I don’t hate you, right?
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In my defense, I was grieving.
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[ A half-hearted attempt at being pithy, he regrets it instantly. ]
Murphy is … very important to me. Things are very weird right now. I don’t … really see things the way he does. But the thought of losing him …
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[ As carefully as he’s trying to word it, he still feels like garbage. ]
I don’t expect you to just be okay with that. But I can’t stand the thought of just going silent on you either. Of you thinking I’m angry. I’m not.
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Does he let you make ultimatums about who he's allowed to talk to?
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[ He loathed Danny for what he did to Quentin but as far as he knew even Quentin hadn’t made any kind of line in the sand about choosing between the two of them to anyone. ]
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[ Except for Shota.
So, he pictures it. Shota and that fake, empty smile he put on in front of peers and teachers. Flashing it for the people in town. Charming everyone he thought would benefit him.
What was mostly sadness gives way to a spike of anger. ]
… I don’t really want to think about that. Please. You’re not like him.
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[ A sigh. Frustrated. But not at him. ]
Maybe he just needs some time to cool off. We’re all too connected to each other for this kind of thing to possibly work long term.
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Thank you.