"If there was a button that killed everyone I hated, I probably wouldn't press it ... but if there was a button that killed everyone who hated me, I'd press it without hesitation."
[ He doesn’t even hesitate. It comes out so quickly. ]
It’s really … embarrassing. I’ve just been in a weird mood and saying stuff … wanting stuff I probably shouldn’t. Like I know it’s going to far but I just want to push it.
So you're holding yourself to something and beating yourself up when you can't meet it? We're in sex and violence town, Junpei. If you can't let loose a little here, I don't know where you can.
Look, you have me, which was totally on you, by the way, for cutting through my bullshit and telling me you wanted me. And I'm glad you did. But we both know I'm never going to call you little pup. [A beat.] Not without ruining it by laughing afterwards, anyway.
I thought... We were talking about sex stuff. I thought it was going to be a weird sex thing.
[This is not his fault!]
We're whatever you want us to be, Junpei. I don't... We don't always bother to stick words on these things, where I'm from, you know? But I'm good with boyfriends. I mean, obviously.
[Considering how he'd just skipped right past it.]
Okay, one? No more shoulds or enoughs. I mean, yeah, everyone's got lines, but beating yourself up over wanting stuff isn't going to do anything except make you feel bad, and I'm kind of invested in you not feeling bad. So if you've got itches I don't or can't scratch, getting them scratched somewhere else isn't going to piss me off. Probably the opposite, actually. Same as if you just... care about other people. I'd be a pretty big hypocrite if I thought you should only be with me.
Two, talk to me. I don't care what I've got going on, if the whole town's burning, whatever. I might not always be the right person, I might not always take things the right way, but I'm here for you. That's... boyfriends, whatever word you want to use, I think that's what it means, really. I'm here for you, Junpei.
That’s because he has to find a place to sit down, his legs becoming jelly beneath him and the corners of his eyes welling up with happy tears. It’s almost too much. He still has the rest of his shift to get through.
But … ]
Okay … okay … me too. I’m here for you. Whenever … whatever you need. I …
[ Boyfriends. ]
I … love you.
[ Back home, people don’t really say that much. But … it comes out now. The perfect words - the ONLY words - to describe the bright, bursting happiness inside. ]
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[ He doesn’t even hesitate. It comes out so quickly. ]
It’s really … embarrassing. I’ve just been in a weird mood and saying stuff … wanting stuff I probably shouldn’t. Like I know it’s going to far but I just want to push it.
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I've just always ... seen myself a certain way. Logical. Not led around by my libido like other people my age. More cerebral.
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Look, you have me, which was totally on you, by the way, for cutting through my bullshit and telling me you wanted me. And I'm glad you did. But we both know I'm never going to call you little pup. [A beat.] Not without ruining it by laughing afterwards, anyway.
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Focus. This is … probably the best time to bring up that other thing. ]
… there’s … been something I’ve been wanting to talk about with you. It’s going to seem dumb … just shoot me down right away if it’s too weird.
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Uh. Okay?
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Are we … boyfriends?
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[This is the lead up to the actual thing, right.]
Junpei, I promise, whatever you want to talk to me about isn't going to be weird enough to stop me wanting to see you.
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…
…
That was it.
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I thought... We were talking about sex stuff. I thought it was going to be a weird sex thing.
[This is not his fault!]
We're whatever you want us to be, Junpei. I don't... We don't always bother to stick words on these things, where I'm from, you know? But I'm good with boyfriends. I mean, obviously.
[Considering how he'd just skipped right past it.]
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But in this moment … he feels like he’s so light. Floating. Like he’s a normal teenager in love.
Happy. ]
Murphy … John …
[ Words aren’t coming easily. But he hopes the other can hear the joy in his tone. ]
… y-yeah. I want that. I really, really want that …
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[He can't help smiling at that tone in Junpei's voice, feeling a little lighter himself for it, at least for a moment. Though, after a thought:]
One condition, actually. No, hang on-- make that two.
[Teasing, a little. Nothing about this is truly conditional.]
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Two, talk to me. I don't care what I've got going on, if the whole town's burning, whatever. I might not always be the right person, I might not always take things the right way, but I'm here for you. That's... boyfriends, whatever word you want to use, I think that's what it means, really. I'm here for you, Junpei.
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That’s because he has to find a place to sit down, his legs becoming jelly beneath him and the corners of his eyes welling up with happy tears. It’s almost too much. He still has the rest of his shift to get through.
But … ]
Okay … okay … me too. I’m here for you. Whenever … whatever you need. I …
[ Boyfriends. ]
I … love you.
[ Back home, people don’t really say that much. But … it comes out now. The perfect words - the ONLY words - to describe the bright, bursting happiness inside. ]
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[A huff of a laugh, soft.]
I really wish you'd waited till we were together for this talk, though.
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[ He wants to exhaust himself kissing him. ]
S-sorry.
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