[ It's not okay. Not at all. Even as the gentle touches and nuzzles make his heart soar, he can't stop looking at the bruises, expression growing more and more frantic. ]
They hurt you? The people taking care of you?
[ He refuses to be calmed, a new worry popping into his head as he tries to lean away slightly from Natsume. ]
H-how did you get the money to come back? You have to tell me.
[Natsume makes a quiet, noncommittal sound in his throat at the first question. Most of his guardians had been varying levels of neglectful or uncaring, but only periodically have they been actually physical. He hadn't thought the current ones fell into that category, but clearly he'd been wrong.]
They weren't pleased about the fight. [An understatement.
The next question is easier to answer, though.] I got a job. No school means more time. I just saved everything until I had enough. [He gently takes one of Junpei's hands, kissing the palm.] Can we go back to the flirty schoolboy thing now?
[Natsume makes a startled sound, rising quickly and reaching out to catch Junpei's hands.] I am thinking about myself. You have no idea how much I'm thinking about myself.
[He stands, and he's -- it's only been a couple weeks, but he's taller, even if only by a few centimeters, shoulders a little broader, face a little sharper and more angular under the bruises. Alpha growth spurts are no joke.] It's -- I feel like I've been losing my mind, this whole time, trying to wait to see you. Trying to be smart about it, save money and plan and --
[A sharp, shaky exhale, and Natsume steps closer, hands coming up to cradle Junpei's face.] Don't ask me to leave. I can't say no to you, but I can't -- please don't ask me to leave you again.
[ It aches to be harsh with Natsume. Absolutely like a knife in his guts. But ... ]
What is your plan? Just ... to keep wasting your money for ninety minutes with a whore every couple of weeks? Until when, Natsume? I'm not going to get any better. This life, I've seen what it does to others. I've only really got a few good years until I'm totally worn out and useless.
... I ... I can't be happy knowing you're stuck in a place where people hurt you.
Don't call yourself that. [It comes out harsher than Natsume means it, and he exhales sharply, closing his eyes and burying his face in Junpei's hair.]
I have a plan. I -- I'm saving as much as I can, I have it hidden away. When I turn 18, I'll have the rest of what my parents left. Their house, too. It's far away from here.
I just. Need a little more time. [A slow exhale.] And I don't want to stay away from you while I'm waiting.
If I can endure you being in danger, you need to endure that for me too. Okay?
[ He can't say he's not in any danger. That would be an outright lie. There's always danger in his line of work. But the security at the club is good for getting rid of the worst of it.
Again, the amount of care this boy is displaying for him. He truly doesn't understand. ]
Far away?
[ But he pushes down the twinge of pain in his heart. ]
Danger isn't always physical, Junpei. [He leans back a little, brow furrowed in concern.] You said yourself -- being here hurts you. It's killing you. Even if it's just on the inside.
[Natsume backs towards the bed, sitting down again, consciously putting himself lower than Junpei again. Always being careful not to intimidate or impose or loom over him.] Far away. In the countryside. It's nice. I think you'd like it.
[ It probably would have been obvious to most people what Natsume had been trying to imply, but Junpei was used to expecting the worst. He still considers this ... whatever it is with Natsume a temporary pleasant thing in his life. Fleeting. Bound to vanish at some point. The promise of forever is too great to fathom. ]
[ There’s a shiver of something through him, and suddenly he’s wrapping his arms around Natsume and clinging to him tightly. He doesn’t say anything, just lays his head on the other’s shoulder and ... stands there in his warmth. Breathing. Taking in his scent. His everything. Suddenly the club seems even more suffocating than before, like more of a prison than before. The time he must stay there stretches out before him and it all feels impossible to bare. ]
[Natsume lets out a soft "oof" at the sudden clinging, his arms coming up and around Junpei as well, clinging back just as tight. He's not as confident as he appears, his heart beating rapidly against his ribs.
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They hurt you? The people taking care of you?
[ He refuses to be calmed, a new worry popping into his head as he tries to lean away slightly from Natsume. ]
H-how did you get the money to come back? You have to tell me.
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They weren't pleased about the fight. [An understatement.
The next question is easier to answer, though.] I got a job. No school means more time. I just saved everything until I had enough. [He gently takes one of Junpei's hands, kissing the palm.] Can we go back to the flirty schoolboy thing now?
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N-no ... you shouldn’t be spending that money to see me. You should be getting yourself an apartment ... somewhere you can be safe.
[ In a blink he’s scrambling off the bed, backing away. ]
I ... I’ll refund what you paid myself. I can’t just pretend this is okay. You need to think about yourself first.
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[He stands, and he's -- it's only been a couple weeks, but he's taller, even if only by a few centimeters, shoulders a little broader, face a little sharper and more angular under the bruises. Alpha growth spurts are no joke.] It's -- I feel like I've been losing my mind, this whole time, trying to wait to see you. Trying to be smart about it, save money and plan and --
[A sharp, shaky exhale, and Natsume steps closer, hands coming up to cradle Junpei's face.] Don't ask me to leave. I can't say no to you, but I can't -- please don't ask me to leave you again.
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What is your plan? Just ... to keep wasting your money for ninety minutes with a whore every couple of weeks? Until when, Natsume? I'm not going to get any better. This life, I've seen what it does to others. I've only really got a few good years until I'm totally worn out and useless.
... I ... I can't be happy knowing you're stuck in a place where people hurt you.
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I have a plan. I -- I'm saving as much as I can, I have it hidden away. When I turn 18, I'll have the rest of what my parents left. Their house, too. It's far away from here.
I just. Need a little more time. [A slow exhale.] And I don't want to stay away from you while I'm waiting.
If I can endure you being in danger, you need to endure that for me too. Okay?
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[ He can't say he's not in any danger. That would be an outright lie. There's always danger in his line of work. But the security at the club is good for getting rid of the worst of it.
Again, the amount of care this boy is displaying for him. He truly doesn't understand. ]
Far away?
[ But he pushes down the twinge of pain in his heart. ]
But you'll be safe. That's good.
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[Natsume backs towards the bed, sitting down again, consciously putting himself lower than Junpei again. Always being careful not to intimidate or impose or loom over him.] Far away. In the countryside. It's nice. I think you'd like it.
We'd be safe.
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[ His eyes widen and he clutches his chest. ]
... you ... want me to go with you?
[ It probably would have been obvious to most people what Natsume had been trying to imply, but Junpei was used to expecting the worst. He still considers this ... whatever it is with Natsume a temporary pleasant thing in his life. Fleeting. Bound to vanish at some point. The promise of forever is too great to fathom. ]
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Yes? I -- did I not make that clear? Of course I want you to come with me. I mean, if you want to, of course.
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A little home ... in the countryside ... the two of us.
[ His bottom lip trembles lightly. ]
That sounds too perfect.
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Is...that a yes?
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I would love it. I ... could we have chickens? And a little garden?
[ It’s such a random thing to ask, but he’s trying to picture it as a reality. Not a dream. Something that can happen. ]
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Yes, of course. All of that. Chickens and ducks and -- whatever bird you want.
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But he holds on as tight as he can.]