"If there was a button that killed everyone I hated, I probably wouldn't press it ... but if there was a button that killed everyone who hated me, I'd press it without hesitation."
[ ‘A fair bit’. So many warning alarms are going off in his head. He struggled only last month to keep people’s hands off of him who meant him harm and now he’s just strolling on consensually into this? ]
I wonder if my cursed energy will cause any issues.
[ That, as far as he knows, resides in the soul rather than the blood, but there are so many things he doesn’t fully understand about it and how it functions. He’s been told all humans back home carry at least a little as a result of negative emotions, but is that unique to his world? ]
Honestly... we're all cursed here, but I've never noticed any difference in anyone's energy. Even fully transformed, the monsters just feel human to me.
[ Of course, Junpei's speaking of a different kind of curse, and a different kind of energy entirely. That probably isn't reassuring. What hopefully is, is John adding: ]
It won't be a problem. I've been warding House and I's door for months.
… I should probably practice having a calm facade before they’re back. It won’t be easy.
[ Even with the ward on their door, he thinks, they both still had to flee to the forest. But he doesn’t want to mention that out loud and sound like a cynical ingrate over John’s offer. ]
I need to get better at reigning myself in in general, I guess. It’s caused me enough problems.
[ Low and bitter, as if he’s a middle aged man and not barely eighteen. He holds the handle of his cup and swishes the remainder of the liquid around the bottom before sipping it. ]
[ John wants to argue, but he thinks it might be too cruel, when the love that makes him grateful his feelings still work is with Junpei's senpai. Instead he just acknowledges that with a solemn dip of his head and finishes his own tea. ]
Getting to the clinic's going to be a fucking journey, and I need to know you've had a full night's sleep and a real meal before I take your blood. So let's meet back here for breakfast tomorrow, okay?
[ He finishes the last of his tea and sets the cup back down. Sleep hasn’t been easy, nor has eating, but he’ll try to go through the motions of both. ]
… I don’t really need to tell you to take care of him, I know … but I’ll say it anyway. I just need to.
[ To look after House. That's what he learned in the Void. And even then, you fail and fail and fail. John gives him a grim little smile. ]
See you then.
[ He's already in the kitchen the next morning, cooking buttery eggs — he's never going to be in master chef territory but he's better than Ianthe so there's no shell - and no raw potato. He's also got a slab of meat waiting: ]
[ It's not really John's standard either, but his focus here is iron and protein. It's very easy for him to get meat (given his work at the hunting lodge and ability to preserve it) and eggs (given Bertie) and also in his cooking wheelhouse, so Junpei gets served up a plate of vaguely scrambled eggs and a medium rare steak.
John has his sliced very thin and very rare, nearly tataki, with sour black bread and, as always, a cup of tea. He'd thought about adding beans in tomato sauce but that made him think about cooking for Kiriona and that made him sad. ]
[ No point in lying. When he first arrived it was nightmares about his bullies, then it became nightmares about his monster, about the cages. About losing the people he’s come to care for so deeply. Sleep has always been a challenge, it’s just the form the challenge takes that has shifted.
As embarrassing as the also frequent dirty dreams have been, at least they’re a respite from waking up in a panic. ]
You can take half of mine if you miss them. I get kind of sick of them.
[ Tired, bitter. It might not be so bad if they were at least lucid, but it feels like falling for the same prank over and over when he doesn’t realize until he jolts awake in a cold sweat that his own mind had been harassing him yet again.
It doesn’t help when the same themes are repeated in an endless, annoying loop. ]
Oh, not being killed. The bit in between. The nothing time, that you don't remember. Sleeping without dreaming is just like death.
[ Anyway, on that cheery note, he's finishing his breakfast tea and getting up from the table. ]
Eat up! Let's get this ward done, shall we?
[ From there, he'll let Junpei lead him to the place he wants to set up a panic room. The actual blood withdrawal is a lot easier than real life phlebotomy, with necromancy and all; there's no pain at all when he opens Junpei and draws out what he needs, paints it clean and careful into a spiral and adds a fixative to prevent oxidization. It's really only the work of a moment, a bright quick flash of blood magic, and then he's sitting Junpei down all whole again and getting him water to replenish his fluids, giving him instructions on taking care of himself for the rest of the day and not working too hard while he's suffering from blood loss. ]
Treat yourself like a patient, okay? Call House or me if you feel faint.
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[ Used rarely and mostly only when House talks him into it. ]
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I wonder if my cursed energy will cause any issues.
[ That, as far as he knows, resides in the soul rather than the blood, but there are so many things he doesn’t fully understand about it and how it functions. He’s been told all humans back home carry at least a little as a result of negative emotions, but is that unique to his world? ]
All right. Before they come back.
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[ Of course, Junpei's speaking of a different kind of curse, and a different kind of energy entirely. That probably isn't reassuring. What hopefully is, is John adding: ]
It won't be a problem. I've been warding House and I's door for months.
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[ Even with the ward on their door, he thinks, they both still had to flee to the forest. But he doesn’t want to mention that out loud and sound like a cynical ingrate over John’s offer. ]
I need to get better at reigning myself in in general, I guess. It’s caused me enough problems.
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[ John dips another bikkie, crunches into it slowly. ]
Suppression isn't good for anybody, especially here.
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[ Low and bitter, as if he’s a middle aged man and not barely eighteen. He holds the handle of his cup and swishes the remainder of the liquid around the bottom before sipping it. ]
I’d still turn it off if I could.
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Getting to the clinic's going to be a fucking journey, and I need to know you've had a full night's sleep and a real meal before I take your blood. So let's meet back here for breakfast tomorrow, okay?
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[ He finishes the last of his tea and sets the cup back down. Sleep hasn’t been easy, nor has eating, but he’ll try to go through the motions of both. ]
… I don’t really need to tell you to take care of him, I know … but I’ll say it anyway. I just need to.
See you tomorrow.
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[ To look after House. That's what he learned in the Void. And even then, you fail and fail and fail. John gives him a grim little smile. ]
See you then.
[ He's already in the kitchen the next morning, cooking buttery eggs — he's never going to be in master chef territory but he's better than Ianthe so there's no shell - and no raw potato. He's also got a slab of meat waiting: ]
Morning. How do you like your steak?
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Steak as part of breakfast is such a foreign (literally) concept to him that he takes a minute to make sure he heard John correctly.
After a few confused blinks he sets himself down in a seat, rubbing the sleep out of one eye. Voice still scratchy from having just woken up. ]
Uh, medium rare … thanks.
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John has his sliced very thin and very rare, nearly tataki, with sour black bread and, as always, a cup of tea. He'd thought about adding beans in tomato sauce but that made him think about cooking for Kiriona and that made him sad. ]
Sleep okay?
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[ No point in lying. When he first arrived it was nightmares about his bullies, then it became nightmares about his monster, about the cages. About losing the people he’s come to care for so deeply. Sleep has always been a challenge, it’s just the form the challenge takes that has shifted.
As embarrassing as the also frequent dirty dreams have been, at least they’re a respite from waking up in a panic. ]
Being on an actual bed again helps.
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I'm sure it does.
[ Mild, not too judgemental. Junpei has spent the night in a bed and now he's eating food, so he's doing as well as he could be. ]
It's been a long time since I've dreamed. Unless you count whatever that was in the Void.
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[ Tired, bitter. It might not be so bad if they were at least lucid, but it feels like falling for the same prank over and over when he doesn’t realize until he jolts awake in a cold sweat that his own mind had been harassing him yet again.
It doesn’t help when the same themes are repeated in an endless, annoying loop. ]
Just having plain sleep sounds like a luxury.
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[ The vulnerability of unconsciousness. ]
Feels too much like dying.
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[ Anything but slow and peaceful. He’s being flippant about it in the moment, but it’s definitely not something he wishes to repeat. ]
timeskips a little to wrap this
[ Anyway, on that cheery note, he's finishing his breakfast tea and getting up from the table. ]
Eat up! Let's get this ward done, shall we?
[ From there, he'll let Junpei lead him to the place he wants to set up a panic room. The actual blood withdrawal is a lot easier than real life phlebotomy, with necromancy and all; there's no pain at all when he opens Junpei and draws out what he needs, paints it clean and careful into a spiral and adds a fixative to prevent oxidization. It's really only the work of a moment, a bright quick flash of blood magic, and then he's sitting Junpei down all whole again and getting him water to replenish his fluids, giving him instructions on taking care of himself for the rest of the day and not working too hard while he's suffering from blood loss. ]
Treat yourself like a patient, okay? Call House or me if you feel faint.