Rubi Inbox

[moondregs]

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Junpei Yoshino, 19

"If there was a button that killed everyone I hated, I probably wouldn't press it ... but if there was a button that killed everyone who hated me, I'd press it without hesitation."

 

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Comments

[moondregs]

Of all the people for this to happen to, it feels especially unfair it had to happen to Quentin.

[dead_tongue]

yeah.
it does.

if it was just getting killed, I wish it had been me. but that's not the worst part of it at all. it's thinking someone loves you, and then they do that to you.

you know House never would, right?

[moondregs]

Who can say?

[ He loves House. Allowed his body to be changed for his pleasure. Feels energized when he's around him. Alive.

But it feels foolish to say anything with 100% certainty. To not keep one toe in his protective cynicism. ]

But it doesn't change how I feel.

[dead_tongue]

no. not unless it happens, I guess.
which I doubt it would.

you didn't make any of this happen. you know that, right? now that you've calmed down?

[moondregs]

Quentin never liked House-sensei. Even when he worked at the clinic. He respected his abilities, but he never liked me being attached to him.

It all feels hard to untangle.

Especially since every part of me is screaming I don't want to leave the clinic. I don't want to leave him. Even though I should.

[dead_tongue]

well, House is kind of a dick. and I like him.

OK but
why should you? I confess I don't understand.

[moondregs]

He and John have something going on with Danny. I don’t fully understand what it is, but I know they’re connected. And I don’t know if this situation will change that.

So it feels like I’m betraying Quentin.

[dead_tongue]

well they're all fucking, like that's a given.
I doubt it will.
...if I get stabbed, don't flip out, okay?

oh. ok, yeah, yeah that could be a little awkward. so I guess you have to choose which is more important.

[moondregs]

Iggy.

I told sensei I want to stay at the clinic.

[dead_tongue]

then you've picked.

[moondregs]

I won’t tell Quentin. Not right away. He can hate me later. I know he has better people that will take care of him. But I want him in my life just a little longer. Until he finds out.

I’m selfish.

[dead_tongue]

yeah. you are.

that's sort of the human condition.

[moondregs]

Sensei was why I got closer to him in the first place. He made him my assistant. I was jealous at first, because he actually knew what he was doing.

Even though I was so difficult … Quentin kept being there for me. I was mean to him, too.

[dead_tongue]

maybe something to work on, that.

[moondregs]

I used to be nicer. When I was younger. But I’ve felt like that me is dead and gone.

[dead_tongue]

anybody ever tell you that you're very dramatic?

[moondregs]

[ There’s a small surge of defensiveness in him. But then he remembers that Iggy doesn’t know about the bullying. About what changed him.

And he decides maybe he doesn’t need to. ]

Sorry.

Good night, Iggy.

[dead_tongue]

it's fine. but you're 18 - a lot more is going to happen to you, Junpei, and much of it will be good. don't close yourself off preemptively.

call me if you need me. I'm not gonna be working, so.