"If there was a button that killed everyone I hated, I probably wouldn't press it ... but if there was a button that killed everyone who hated me, I'd press it without hesitation."
[ John isn’t here anymore. A sharp, cold stab of horror in his chest. He doesn’t even remember the process of leading intoxicated House to the couch, it all sets his mind spiraling.
Earlier in the year, when House had been killed, he’d worried himself into a mess over how you comfort a god. ]
… how … how? You … maybe he’ll be back? Next month?
[ But there’s something about how sure the older man sounds that is leaving no room for hope. Once they’re on the couch he’s draping himself over House like a blanket, but a blanket that’s much too thin and small on a night that’s dangerously cold. He can’t help. He can’t really help. It hurts. ]
[ It's more than the loss of his personal deity, it's the loss of the anchor, the safe harbor, the place to rest. Untethered, House is chaotic, capable of smashing himself to pieces on the rocks. He lets himself be led into the small home and over to the couch, lets himself be lowered down and lets Junpei drape across him. Numb, he puts an arm around him. ]
He's not dead. [ He tips his head back against the couch's back and closes his eyes. ] He just disappeared. Why would he disappear?
[ After a beat, he opens his eyes again, blearily. Tries to move a little. ]
[ People keep saying that it obviously wasn't John's choice to leave. It's the truth, but it doesn't make it easier. House watches him move around the space with a hazy expression. ]
[ House takes the cup and even manages to lift it to his mouth without tipping too much of it down his front. He takes a few deep swallows, watching Junpei over the rim the entire time. His gaze is raw and red-rimmed, a little feral. ]
At least. [ House is vague and agreeable, drinking the water as he's told to. On some level, he knows what's good for him, what will help -- that's why he came to Junpei rather than stumbling to the brothel.
He looks up at Junpei, remembering why he's here all over again. His eyes are wet. ]
I don't.. [ He takes a few breaths, struggling for control. ] What am I supposed to do?
[ The question is massive. Bigger than Junpei is. He feels helpless looking at the state House is in, seeing the man who was always so seemingly cocky and confident turning to him for comfort. Every part of him yearns so badly to patch the wounds and heal the pain, but knows there isn’t enough gauze or disinfectant in the whole world.
Dipping back down to sit beside him, he puts his palms on House’s cheeks, thumbs rubbing gently. ]
I … I don’t know, sensei.
[ Advice doesn’t feel right to give. But he leans in to press a kiss softly to his lips. It’s not the way he normally would kiss him, not a lusty attempt to taste and get drunk on him. It’s a way to convey a message and a feeling words just can’t do justice to:
I love you. I want to help you. You are important. If you’re in pain, so am I. ]
[ He's undone, more than a little, by the show of gentleness, of sweetness. Junpei's mouth tastes like sleep and softness. Abruptly, he wants that, even if it doesn't fix anything. Even if all it does is give them both a reason to stay. He leans into Junpei's touch, tips his head forward to meet his brow and feels his breaths against his mouth, blurring his world into vague shadows.
[ An ache. How many times has he fantasized about getting to wake up beside him? To spend the night in his warmth? To hear his heartbeat in time with his own? A wish granted, but granted cloaked in a black veil of solemn sadness.
The feeling is shoved away. This isn’t about him. Eyes flick up to his loft, considering. There’s more than enough room, the bed being comedically massive for how tiny the house is.
Pulling slightly away so he can set about removing House’s shoes, he murmurs. ]
Finish your cup. I’ll have Moon Dregs help. Don’t be afraid. It’s just safer that way.
[ A stupid boast that sounds even more stupid coming from the mouth of a drunk, but it's broadly true; House has seen so much weird, horrific shit since arriving, that the appearance of Junpei's jellyfish spirit helper doesn't phase him. He allows himself to be undressed, to be manhandled -- or tentacle-handled -- across the room to the loft, climbs up as carefully as he can and even remembers to duck so he doesn't knock himself out on a crossbeam.
The bed is huge. That makes him pause for a moment before he crawls onto it. ]
Pretty big for one little guy. [ He sinks down, rolls over onto his back with a sigh. ] You bring people up here. So you're getting laid. Good!
[ Junpei clambers up beside him, a soft huff at the commentary as he wedges himself up against House’s side. His head will fit in like a puzzle piece to the crook of the other’s neck, warm breath on his skin as he pulls the blanket over the two of them. ]
I have a boyfriend, you know.
[ It’s satisfying to be able to have him so close, to be able to wrap him in his arms and in his blanket and feel protective. To know he’s safe and not hobbling around, sad and drunk on the streets like he’s somebody nobody loves. There’s a little subtle squeeze in his heart at the thought. He’s glad House came to him. ]
[ The darkness in Junpei's little house is warm and comforting, like being in a nest. House puts his arm around him and gathers him close, feeling the distant drum of pain in his leg and spine but capable of ignoring it for now. It'll wake him up pretty soon, but for a little while he can have quiet and peace.
He turns his head and drops a kiss on top of Junpei's head. ]
Big where it counts. [ Heart or dick? Maybe he means both. But he's already getting blurry with sleep. ]
[ The kiss to his head is returned with a smattering of soft, fond pecks to House's jawline before the boy nuzzles in with his own heavy eyelids drooping. It's important that House gets rest, and there's some comfort in knowing at least in some small way he can help him with a need.
Junpei sleeps very light, the part of him concerned about House's wellbeing hyper aware of any odd sounds or movements even if he seems to be slumbering. Typically it's nightmares that make sleep difficult for him, but having a warm body to nestle up to always seems to keep them away. In his frequent nights spent with Murphy he's caught onto this, although he doesn't want to dwell long on what it might mean.
Incidentally, while the barn is mostly quiet, now and again the faint sound of hooves can be heard on the wooden floor. In the loft. On the main floor. Maybe some bleating that sounds somehow far away yet near. This does not seem to rouse Junpei at all. ]
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Earlier in the year, when House had been killed, he’d worried himself into a mess over how you comfort a god. ]
… how … how? You … maybe he’ll be back? Next month?
[ But there’s something about how sure the older man sounds that is leaving no room for hope. Once they’re on the couch he’s draping himself over House like a blanket, but a blanket that’s much too thin and small on a night that’s dangerously cold. He can’t help. He can’t really help. It hurts. ]
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He's not dead. [ He tips his head back against the couch's back and closes his eyes. ] He just disappeared. Why would he disappear?
[ After a beat, he opens his eyes again, blearily. Tries to move a little. ]
I'm too drunk. I should sober up.
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[ Quietly, making sure House is propped up soundly on the couch before he reluctantly untangles so he can fetch him some water. ]
This place sucks us in randomly. Why wouldn’t it spit us back home randomly? He wouldn’t leave you on purpose.
[ And, awkwardly: ]
I … only have cheese.
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You only have cheese? What do you eat?
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[ A pause that’s way too sharp, and he’s suddenly thrusting a mug of water at the doctor. ]
Don’t worry about me. Drink.
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[ House takes the cup and even manages to lift it to his mouth without tipping too much of it down his front. He takes a few deep swallows, watching Junpei over the rim the entire time. His gaze is raw and red-rimmed, a little feral. ]
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[ In that voice that says ‘I am a fully grown adult who does not need to be fussed over’ as he watches House down the water with hawkish concern.
When that cup is done, he’ll fill up a second, remembering advice from a party that seemed both a decade ago and yesterday. ]
How much did you drink? At least three cups worth?
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He looks up at Junpei, remembering why he's here all over again. His eyes are wet. ]
I don't.. [ He takes a few breaths, struggling for control. ] What am I supposed to do?
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Dipping back down to sit beside him, he puts his palms on House’s cheeks, thumbs rubbing gently. ]
I … I don’t know, sensei.
[ Advice doesn’t feel right to give. But he leans in to press a kiss softly to his lips. It’s not the way he normally would kiss him, not a lusty attempt to taste and get drunk on him. It’s a way to convey a message and a feeling words just can’t do justice to:
I love you. I want to help you. You are important. If you’re in pain, so am I. ]
Tonight … stay with me? Just this once.
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Quietly, barely a whisper: ]
Okay. Yes.
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The feeling is shoved away. This isn’t about him. Eyes flick up to his loft, considering. There’s more than enough room, the bed being comedically massive for how tiny the house is.
Pulling slightly away so he can set about removing House’s shoes, he murmurs. ]
Finish your cup. I’ll have Moon Dregs help. Don’t be afraid. It’s just safer that way.
no subject
[ A stupid boast that sounds even more stupid coming from the mouth of a drunk, but it's broadly true; House has seen so much weird, horrific shit since arriving, that the appearance of Junpei's jellyfish spirit helper doesn't phase him. He allows himself to be undressed, to be manhandled -- or tentacle-handled -- across the room to the loft, climbs up as carefully as he can and even remembers to duck so he doesn't knock himself out on a crossbeam.
The bed is huge. That makes him pause for a moment before he crawls onto it. ]
Pretty big for one little guy. [ He sinks down, rolls over onto his back with a sigh. ] You bring people up here. So you're getting laid. Good!
no subject
I have a boyfriend, you know.
[ It’s satisfying to be able to have him so close, to be able to wrap him in his arms and in his blanket and feel protective. To know he’s safe and not hobbling around, sad and drunk on the streets like he’s somebody nobody loves. There’s a little subtle squeeze in his heart at the thought. He’s glad House came to him. ]
… and I’m not little.
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He turns his head and drops a kiss on top of Junpei's head. ]
Big where it counts. [ Heart or dick? Maybe he means both. But he's already getting blurry with sleep. ]
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Junpei sleeps very light, the part of him concerned about House's wellbeing hyper aware of any odd sounds or movements even if he seems to be slumbering. Typically it's nightmares that make sleep difficult for him, but having a warm body to nestle up to always seems to keep them away. In his frequent nights spent with Murphy he's caught onto this, although he doesn't want to dwell long on what it might mean.
Incidentally, while the barn is mostly quiet, now and again the faint sound of hooves can be heard on the wooden floor. In the loft. On the main floor. Maybe some bleating that sounds somehow far away yet near. This does not seem to rouse Junpei at all. ]