You ... could only fix it if you could time travel.
[ The closeness, the warmth, the touch meant to comfort and not to titillate. The touch meant for his benefit, not for Natsume's. Beneath the other's body he trembles as the tears slide down his cheeks and fall to the gaudy carpet below.
To ask him to imagine a life where someone loved him for himself. Why? ]
I can't just walk out of my reality. This is how I earn my living. It's all I'm good for.
[Natsume makes a soft, hmph-ing sort of sound that indicates he disagrees, but he doesn't argue. Instead he just nuzzles into Junpei's neck, letting his own scent wrap around the other for a moment -- protective, soothing, reassuring. I'm here and nothing can hurt you.
It's only true for the next 20 minutes. But Natsume isn't moving away.]
I know. I'm not asking you to -- run away with me or something. [Yes he is. That's exactly what he wants.] ...but I'll come back. Here. If you want me to.
[ At the idea of seeing Natsume again his heart skips a beat. He turns his head, eyes wide. ]
But they won't ... just let you in for free. You'd have to pay. And I don't think those guys you came with are going to treat you again after you gave them a bloody nose.
[ It's worth noting there is nothing in what Junpei says that is an outright demand that Natsume not return. As much as he probably should nip this ... whatever this flight of fancy is in the bud, he can't bring himself to shut the other boy out completely. ]
You're still in school, right? You can't possibly have that kind of money.
[ In the small, still undamaged part left in him. The lonely part. The part that holds out hope. That keeps him alive. Usually it’s buried, kept from the light.
He shudders, closing his eyes. ]
I don’t know what will happen if you vanish after saying all these things ... I think the last of something is tied to you now. If you don’t come back, it’ll leave with you. If you decide to check on me a year from now I can’t promise what will be left of me.
[ How did things get this intense in such a short period of time? It feels unnatural. ]
[There are stories like this, romance novels and movies and things, where alphas and omegas who are destined to be together can feel it the second they meet. Natsume had never really believed in that sort of thing before, though. It seemed too absurd, too impossible.
Now he's wondering if he was wrong.]
It won't be a year. It'll be soon. As soon as I can. [He wants to promise an exact day, wants to give Junpei something to hold onto. There's a note of hollow hopelessness in his tone that feels like a knife to the chest.
Gently, Natsume turns Junpei around, hands on his shoulders, looking down into his teary eyes.] Just -- don't give up on me. Okay? Try to believe I'm not lying to you.
[ It's important that Natsume knows that. As cynical and broken as Junpei is, the other's earnestness feels genuine. If he somehow never sees him again, he wants him to at least know he touched him in some way.
Junpei brings a hand forward to press his palm over Natsume's heart. Feeling its gentle beat. Memorizing the rhythm. ]
I just think that life isn't that kind to me. You're too good to happen to me.
[ Without any warning, he leans in to press his lips firmly and desperately against Natsume's. It's not a kiss of seduction. In a way it's to assure himself Natsume is real and not some dream his depressed mind is torturing him with. He wants to remember the feel of his lips, of his scent, of his everything. He's releasing pheromones in a thick cloud now, losing a little bit of his control, his body wanting so bad for the alpha to stay. To be with him. Pleading with him that he is a good omega, a fertile omega, an omega worth claiming.
When he parts their lips and realizes what his body is doing he looks embarrassed and reigns things back in, fingers touching his kiss swollen lips. ]
[Natsume makes a soft, surprised sound at the sudden kiss, but it easily slips into a pleased sort of rumbling sound, deep in his chest. His hand comes up, cradles the side of Junpei's face, still impossibly gentle and careful. If it weren't for the thick, heady possessive scent of his own pheromones, it'd be easy to think he was completely in control.
But there's a note of something there, a trace of the dangerous, ferocious side that had bloodied a guy's nose just an hour before. Especially when someone bangs on the wall outside the room, yelling something about "five minute warning, get your pants on, kid".
Natsume scowls over his shoulder, prickly and protective all over again.] In a minute.
[Then he's ducking down, kissing Junpei again, firm and deep and lingering, pulling him flush against his body, leaving no doubt about how much Natsume doesn't want to leave. His hands are pressed to the omega's back, wanting him closer, closer, wanting to consume him. That way nobody else can ever scare him or hurt him or touch him ever again.]
[ It’s safe to say nobody has ever kissed Junpei like this before. In the back of his mind he’s thinking the longer and more enjoyable the kiss is the more it’s going to sting when it’s over and Natsume is gone.
His own arms are around the other’s back, clinging tightly to the fabric. There’s a little whine into the kiss as he feels his body heat up, especially with the other pressed so close to him. Is this what it feels like to be in love? Did he ... fall in love? So quickly? Destined mates was a common trope in fiction, but the idea of it being real had never crossed Junpei’s mind. Because even if such a thing existed, what were the odds in a world with billions upon billions of people of two destined meeting?
He’s going to be very distracted for the rest of the night. ]
[Natsume is a little light-headed when he pulls away, resting his forehead against Junpei's, eyes still closed, breathing him in. He's torn between giddiness that he's found someone who affects him this much, and frustration that it's under these circumstances. That he has to leave this soon.]
I'll come back. [Soft, fervent, like a prayer.] I promise I'll come back.
[And then he's stepping back and away, before he loses the nerve, before he has to be dragged out. And then he's gone.
It takes two more weeks, but Natsume keeps his promise. He comes back, books a room with money from god knows where, sprawls back on the heart-shaped bed while he waits.]
[ Junpei had been on break when Natsume entered, so it wasn’t until he returned and saw the familiar name on his phone messages from his manager that he knew the other had come back.
He takes a few minutes to change his outfit, readding the time to Natsume’s card so as not to cut into it.
The beaded curtain parts and Junpei steps slowly into the room, wearing something decidedly less revealing and feminine than he had before. It’s a traditional gakuran, all black.
His high school actually used white dress shirts instead, but this is the closest thing to what a normal high schooler would wear that he has in his work wardrobe, so he hopes the effect will be what he wants it to be.
He gets to the edge of the bed, tilting his head slightly and giving Natsume a soft smile. ]
Good evening, kouhai. Are you ready for your tutoring session?
[Natsume had actually spaced out a bit, arm over his face, letting himself relax into the bed. He's tired. It's been -- a busy two weeks.
But at the sound of Junpei's voice, he sits up quickly, breaking into one of those earnest, delighted grins -- before dissolving into laughter.] Kouhai? Ah, I guess you are older than me...
[Sitting up, it's easy to see that Natsume's sort of a mess -- his lip is split and there's a healing bruise on his cheek and the remnants of a black eye, even. But he's too busy grinning to even address it.]
[ The other's face being revealed to him makes his expression instantly change. He's leaning over Natsume in an instant, cute roleplay forgotten as he frets over the injuries. All the anxiety and anticipation that had been buzzing inside of him hoping the other boy would return has turned into pure fear. ]
W-what happened to you? Who did this?
[ The omega panic scent is sharp in the air, Junpei too worried to even bother and hold it back. How can Natsume just smile like that? ]
[Whoops. Natsume frowns, already shaking his head at the sharp, distressing scent of fear, reaching out and tugging Junpei forward, hands on his hips.]
It's okay, I'm okay. It's all right. [He pulls the omega closer, into his lap, not even thinking about it, just wanting to calm that panic, with his closeness and his scent.] It's okay. I got in a fight at school and got expelled, and my guardians were angry. That's all.
[He leans up, nuzzling at the side of Junpei's neck, arms going around him.] Everything's okay. It doesn't even hurt.
[ It's not okay. Not at all. Even as the gentle touches and nuzzles make his heart soar, he can't stop looking at the bruises, expression growing more and more frantic. ]
They hurt you? The people taking care of you?
[ He refuses to be calmed, a new worry popping into his head as he tries to lean away slightly from Natsume. ]
H-how did you get the money to come back? You have to tell me.
[Natsume makes a quiet, noncommittal sound in his throat at the first question. Most of his guardians had been varying levels of neglectful or uncaring, but only periodically have they been actually physical. He hadn't thought the current ones fell into that category, but clearly he'd been wrong.]
They weren't pleased about the fight. [An understatement.
The next question is easier to answer, though.] I got a job. No school means more time. I just saved everything until I had enough. [He gently takes one of Junpei's hands, kissing the palm.] Can we go back to the flirty schoolboy thing now?
[Natsume makes a startled sound, rising quickly and reaching out to catch Junpei's hands.] I am thinking about myself. You have no idea how much I'm thinking about myself.
[He stands, and he's -- it's only been a couple weeks, but he's taller, even if only by a few centimeters, shoulders a little broader, face a little sharper and more angular under the bruises. Alpha growth spurts are no joke.] It's -- I feel like I've been losing my mind, this whole time, trying to wait to see you. Trying to be smart about it, save money and plan and --
[A sharp, shaky exhale, and Natsume steps closer, hands coming up to cradle Junpei's face.] Don't ask me to leave. I can't say no to you, but I can't -- please don't ask me to leave you again.
[ It aches to be harsh with Natsume. Absolutely like a knife in his guts. But ... ]
What is your plan? Just ... to keep wasting your money for ninety minutes with a whore every couple of weeks? Until when, Natsume? I'm not going to get any better. This life, I've seen what it does to others. I've only really got a few good years until I'm totally worn out and useless.
... I ... I can't be happy knowing you're stuck in a place where people hurt you.
Don't call yourself that. [It comes out harsher than Natsume means it, and he exhales sharply, closing his eyes and burying his face in Junpei's hair.]
I have a plan. I -- I'm saving as much as I can, I have it hidden away. When I turn 18, I'll have the rest of what my parents left. Their house, too. It's far away from here.
I just. Need a little more time. [A slow exhale.] And I don't want to stay away from you while I'm waiting.
If I can endure you being in danger, you need to endure that for me too. Okay?
[ He can't say he's not in any danger. That would be an outright lie. There's always danger in his line of work. But the security at the club is good for getting rid of the worst of it.
Again, the amount of care this boy is displaying for him. He truly doesn't understand. ]
Far away?
[ But he pushes down the twinge of pain in his heart. ]
Danger isn't always physical, Junpei. [He leans back a little, brow furrowed in concern.] You said yourself -- being here hurts you. It's killing you. Even if it's just on the inside.
[Natsume backs towards the bed, sitting down again, consciously putting himself lower than Junpei again. Always being careful not to intimidate or impose or loom over him.] Far away. In the countryside. It's nice. I think you'd like it.
[ It probably would have been obvious to most people what Natsume had been trying to imply, but Junpei was used to expecting the worst. He still considers this ... whatever it is with Natsume a temporary pleasant thing in his life. Fleeting. Bound to vanish at some point. The promise of forever is too great to fathom. ]
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[ The closeness, the warmth, the touch meant to comfort and not to titillate. The touch meant for his benefit, not for Natsume's. Beneath the other's body he trembles as the tears slide down his cheeks and fall to the gaudy carpet below.
To ask him to imagine a life where someone loved him for himself. Why? ]
I can't just walk out of my reality. This is how I earn my living. It's all I'm good for.
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It's only true for the next 20 minutes. But Natsume isn't moving away.]
I know. I'm not asking you to -- run away with me or something. [Yes he is. That's exactly what he wants.] ...but I'll come back. Here. If you want me to.
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But they won't ... just let you in for free. You'd have to pay. And I don't think those guys you came with are going to treat you again after you gave them a bloody nose.
[ It's worth noting there is nothing in what Junpei says that is an outright demand that Natsume not return. As much as he probably should nip this ... whatever this flight of fancy is in the bud, he can't bring himself to shut the other boy out completely. ]
You're still in school, right? You can't possibly have that kind of money.
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Then he looks more serious, setting his jaw in determination.] I'll find a way. I'll figure it out. I promise.
Do you believe me?
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[ In the small, still undamaged part left in him. The lonely part. The part that holds out hope. That keeps him alive. Usually it’s buried, kept from the light.
He shudders, closing his eyes. ]
I don’t know what will happen if you vanish after saying all these things ... I think the last of something is tied to you now. If you don’t come back, it’ll leave with you. If you decide to check on me a year from now I can’t promise what will be left of me.
[ How did things get this intense in such a short period of time? It feels unnatural. ]
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Now he's wondering if he was wrong.]
It won't be a year. It'll be soon. As soon as I can. [He wants to promise an exact day, wants to give Junpei something to hold onto. There's a note of hollow hopelessness in his tone that feels like a knife to the chest.
Gently, Natsume turns Junpei around, hands on his shoulders, looking down into his teary eyes.] Just -- don't give up on me. Okay? Try to believe I'm not lying to you.
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[ It's important that Natsume knows that. As cynical and broken as Junpei is, the other's earnestness feels genuine. If he somehow never sees him again, he wants him to at least know he touched him in some way.
Junpei brings a hand forward to press his palm over Natsume's heart. Feeling its gentle beat. Memorizing the rhythm. ]
I just think that life isn't that kind to me. You're too good to happen to me.
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[He doesn't have a lot of time left. But he doesn't want to move away. He doesn't want to go.
He reaches up, covers Junpei's hand with his.] But I'm here. I'm real, and you're real. So...maybe it's not all hopeless?
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When he parts their lips and realizes what his body is doing he looks embarrassed and reigns things back in, fingers touching his kiss swollen lips. ]
We'd ... better get back to the front now.
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But there's a note of something there, a trace of the dangerous, ferocious side that had bloodied a guy's nose just an hour before. Especially when someone bangs on the wall outside the room, yelling something about "five minute warning, get your pants on, kid".
Natsume scowls over his shoulder, prickly and protective all over again.] In a minute.
[Then he's ducking down, kissing Junpei again, firm and deep and lingering, pulling him flush against his body, leaving no doubt about how much Natsume doesn't want to leave. His hands are pressed to the omega's back, wanting him closer, closer, wanting to consume him. That way nobody else can ever scare him or hurt him or touch him ever again.]
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His own arms are around the other’s back, clinging tightly to the fabric. There’s a little whine into the kiss as he feels his body heat up, especially with the other pressed so close to him. Is this what it feels like to be in love? Did he ... fall in love? So quickly? Destined mates was a common trope in fiction, but the idea of it being real had never crossed Junpei’s mind. Because even if such a thing existed, what were the odds in a world with billions upon billions of people of two destined meeting?
He’s going to be very distracted for the rest of the night. ]
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I'll come back. [Soft, fervent, like a prayer.] I promise I'll come back.
[And then he's stepping back and away, before he loses the nerve, before he has to be dragged out. And then he's gone.
It takes two more weeks, but Natsume keeps his promise. He comes back, books a room with money from god knows where, sprawls back on the heart-shaped bed while he waits.]
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He takes a few minutes to change his outfit, readding the time to Natsume’s card so as not to cut into it.
The beaded curtain parts and Junpei steps slowly into the room, wearing something decidedly less revealing and feminine than he had before. It’s a traditional gakuran, all black.
His high school actually used white dress shirts instead, but this is the closest thing to what a normal high schooler would wear that he has in his work wardrobe, so he hopes the effect will be what he wants it to be.
He gets to the edge of the bed, tilting his head slightly and giving Natsume a soft smile. ]
Good evening, kouhai. Are you ready for your tutoring session?
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But at the sound of Junpei's voice, he sits up quickly, breaking into one of those earnest, delighted grins -- before dissolving into laughter.] Kouhai? Ah, I guess you are older than me...
[Sitting up, it's easy to see that Natsume's sort of a mess -- his lip is split and there's a healing bruise on his cheek and the remnants of a black eye, even. But he's too busy grinning to even address it.]
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W-what happened to you? Who did this?
[ The omega panic scent is sharp in the air, Junpei too worried to even bother and hold it back. How can Natsume just smile like that? ]
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It's okay, I'm okay. It's all right. [He pulls the omega closer, into his lap, not even thinking about it, just wanting to calm that panic, with his closeness and his scent.] It's okay. I got in a fight at school and got expelled, and my guardians were angry. That's all.
[He leans up, nuzzling at the side of Junpei's neck, arms going around him.] Everything's okay. It doesn't even hurt.
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They hurt you? The people taking care of you?
[ He refuses to be calmed, a new worry popping into his head as he tries to lean away slightly from Natsume. ]
H-how did you get the money to come back? You have to tell me.
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They weren't pleased about the fight. [An understatement.
The next question is easier to answer, though.] I got a job. No school means more time. I just saved everything until I had enough. [He gently takes one of Junpei's hands, kissing the palm.] Can we go back to the flirty schoolboy thing now?
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N-no ... you shouldn’t be spending that money to see me. You should be getting yourself an apartment ... somewhere you can be safe.
[ In a blink he’s scrambling off the bed, backing away. ]
I ... I’ll refund what you paid myself. I can’t just pretend this is okay. You need to think about yourself first.
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[He stands, and he's -- it's only been a couple weeks, but he's taller, even if only by a few centimeters, shoulders a little broader, face a little sharper and more angular under the bruises. Alpha growth spurts are no joke.] It's -- I feel like I've been losing my mind, this whole time, trying to wait to see you. Trying to be smart about it, save money and plan and --
[A sharp, shaky exhale, and Natsume steps closer, hands coming up to cradle Junpei's face.] Don't ask me to leave. I can't say no to you, but I can't -- please don't ask me to leave you again.
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What is your plan? Just ... to keep wasting your money for ninety minutes with a whore every couple of weeks? Until when, Natsume? I'm not going to get any better. This life, I've seen what it does to others. I've only really got a few good years until I'm totally worn out and useless.
... I ... I can't be happy knowing you're stuck in a place where people hurt you.
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I have a plan. I -- I'm saving as much as I can, I have it hidden away. When I turn 18, I'll have the rest of what my parents left. Their house, too. It's far away from here.
I just. Need a little more time. [A slow exhale.] And I don't want to stay away from you while I'm waiting.
If I can endure you being in danger, you need to endure that for me too. Okay?
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[ He can't say he's not in any danger. That would be an outright lie. There's always danger in his line of work. But the security at the club is good for getting rid of the worst of it.
Again, the amount of care this boy is displaying for him. He truly doesn't understand. ]
Far away?
[ But he pushes down the twinge of pain in his heart. ]
But you'll be safe. That's good.
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[Natsume backs towards the bed, sitting down again, consciously putting himself lower than Junpei again. Always being careful not to intimidate or impose or loom over him.] Far away. In the countryside. It's nice. I think you'd like it.
We'd be safe.
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[ His eyes widen and he clutches his chest. ]
... you ... want me to go with you?
[ It probably would have been obvious to most people what Natsume had been trying to imply, but Junpei was used to expecting the worst. He still considers this ... whatever it is with Natsume a temporary pleasant thing in his life. Fleeting. Bound to vanish at some point. The promise of forever is too great to fathom. ]
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