Rubi Inbox

[moondregs]

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Junpei Yoshino, 19

"If there was a button that killed everyone I hated, I probably wouldn't press it ... but if there was a button that killed everyone who hated me, I'd press it without hesitation."

 

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Comments

[moondregs]

I should be.

It’s just death, right?

[dead_tongue]

yeah. but it still hurts.

you can talk to me, Junpei.

[moondregs]

Talking doesn’t change anything.

This just means more work on my plate at the clinic. At least I can be useful.

[dead_tongue]

no. but it helps us, the ones left behind.

you don't have to do it all alone.

[moondregs]

House-sensei is dead. Murphy is gone. Maybe you’ll be found as a corpse tomorrow. Or me. Or any number of people I care about. There’s no stopping it.

[dead_tongue]

you love him. tell me about that?

[moondregs]

My feelings about him are irrelevant. I’m just his assistant.

[dead_tongue]

feelings are never irrelevant.

[moondregs]

We came to an understanding just the other day. It was good to have it out on the table. We both know where we stand.

[ Avoidance. ]

[dead_tongue]

what was the understanding?

[moondregs]

That he’s using me. That he won’t ever feel the way I do. But it’s okay. Because I know it. It’s mutually beneficial. He gets my labor, sometimes my body. I get to continue working for him.

[ Very normal. ]

[dead_tongue]

but you love him.

[moondregs]

And?

[dead_tongue]

that's important.

I know it hurts, Junpei. it's okay to say so.

[moondregs]

It just feels insignificant. He’s loved by - married to, apparently - a god.

Who am I to get upset?

[dead_tongue]

yes. he is.

you're a man with feelings. you're allowed to be upset. if our positions were reversed, would you tell me that I had no right to my grief?

[moondregs]

That’s different.

[dead_tongue]

how?

[moondregs]

John isn’t like sensei. Your dynamic and ours isn’t the same.

[dead_tongue]

your dynamic doesn't matter. how you feel does.

have you cried? I'd cry.

[moondregs]

I have.

[ Every night. In the privacy of his bed. Arms wrapped around a pillow. ]

[dead_tongue]

yeah. that's normal.

are you frightened?

[moondregs]

Isn’t everyone? We’re living in a horror movie.

[dead_tongue]

yeah.
yeah it's


can you tell me about something nice between you and House?

[moondregs]

He writes me poems. In Japanese. And leaves them in the clinic for me to find.