Rubi Inbox

[moondregs]

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Junpei Yoshino, 19

"If there was a button that killed everyone I hated, I probably wouldn't press it ... but if there was a button that killed everyone who hated me, I'd press it without hesitation."

 

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Comments

[dead_tongue]

feelings are never irrelevant.

[moondregs]

We came to an understanding just the other day. It was good to have it out on the table. We both know where we stand.

[ Avoidance. ]

[dead_tongue]

what was the understanding?

[moondregs]

That he’s using me. That he won’t ever feel the way I do. But it’s okay. Because I know it. It’s mutually beneficial. He gets my labor, sometimes my body. I get to continue working for him.

[ Very normal. ]

[dead_tongue]

but you love him.

[moondregs]

And?

[dead_tongue]

that's important.

I know it hurts, Junpei. it's okay to say so.

[moondregs]

It just feels insignificant. He’s loved by - married to, apparently - a god.

Who am I to get upset?

[dead_tongue]

yes. he is.

you're a man with feelings. you're allowed to be upset. if our positions were reversed, would you tell me that I had no right to my grief?

[moondregs]

That’s different.

[dead_tongue]

how?

[moondregs]

John isn’t like sensei. Your dynamic and ours isn’t the same.

[dead_tongue]

your dynamic doesn't matter. how you feel does.

have you cried? I'd cry.

[moondregs]

I have.

[ Every night. In the privacy of his bed. Arms wrapped around a pillow. ]

[dead_tongue]

yeah. that's normal.

are you frightened?

[moondregs]

Isn’t everyone? We’re living in a horror movie.

[dead_tongue]

yeah.
yeah it's


can you tell me about something nice between you and House?

[moondregs]

He writes me poems. In Japanese. And leaves them in the clinic for me to find.

[dead_tongue]

oh my god that's so sweet!

[moondregs]

[ It is sweet. Something that shines. Keeps that flame burning in spite of everything. ]

I keep them all in a journal. John made me a small warded off area in the clinic. I store it there.

[dead_tongue]

that's beautiful. maybe one day you can show me one?

[moondregs]

The subject matter is a little intense.

[dead_tongue]

is it sexy? I bet it's sexy.

a man leaving you dirty poetry... I think I'm jealous!

[moondregs]

They’re filthy. It’s like he tries to make them increasingly more obscene each time.

[ But … where he’s toiling away in the clinic … a small ghost of a smile is on his lips without him even realizing it. ]

[dead_tongue]

that's so adorable and so hot.

yeah. that's a beautiful thing. you treasure it, Junpei. it's yours, and his, and it's special.