[ But there’s a quiver in his voice. A crack in the facade. Something about Natsume’s approach is throwing him off kilter. His intensity. His honesty. ]
... my name is Junpei.
[ Suddenly there’s a peek at the vulnerable, scared teenager beneath. He seems his age. ]
I don’t understand why you’re doing this. Is this your kink? Playing this part? Am I supposed to pretend you’re rescuing me? I ... don’t think I can offer that experience.
Junpei. [Natsume repeats it, and suddenly he's smiling, the first real smile he's given all night -- not forced, not just to be polite. Warm and genuine and bright.] Hi, Junpei.
[Then his expression goes somber again, a bit of that strained, pained look from before as he shakes his head.] No, that's -- I'm not trying to play out some heroic fantasy. This is real life. This is your life.
[He hesitates, then reaches out for one of Junpei's hands again, gently.] The only thing I want you to pretend, for the next -- [Natsume pauses, checks his watch, because yes, he wore a wristwatch to a nightclub.] -- fifty-five minutes is that I'm not trying to trick you or trap you or use you or manipulate you. That maybe, for the next fifty-five minutes, I'm being sincere.
[He laces their fingers together, offers a little smile.] Can you do that?
[ Having this guy say his real name ... like that. There’s an odd buzzing feeling running all through him. Is it just his heat?
Junpei would like to think that he’s good at reading people as a result of this job. Can tell when they’re putting on a performance, putting on a mask. Everything in him is telling him this guy is sincere, that he really means all these exciting things he’s saying.
Then suddenly he’s lacing their fingers together, being more romantic than anyone has ever been with him in his life. He can feel his heart pounding in his ears. ]
[Natsume's always been on the sensitive side -- both emotionally and as far as senses go. He seems to be able to hear or smell things others can't, pick up on the most subtle changes in another's scent or demeanor. He can tell the second Junpei's caution drops, just slightly, when the wary mistrust turns to something softer. Something like hope.
The omega was beautiful before, but in a detached kind of way, like a glittering toy -- meant to be used and cast aside. The hopefulness makes him compelling in a different way, and Natsume's chest goes tight and painful. That's the first sign that he's already in way too deep.
He covers it with an easy smile, keeping their hands entwined.] Okay. So. What's your first name?
[ This is all such strange territory for Junpei. Unexplored and uncertain. Terrifying as much as it is exciting. His eyes look toward the beaded curtain, wondering how the situation with the alpha Natsume had punched had gone but considering nobody had come after them a good sign. ]
L-look I ... still kind of think you’re just not used to attention from omegas. I’m really not sure how else to explain you wanting to just ... act like we’re on a real date or something. I’ve never been on a real date.
[ Bluntly. Because it is. You don’t shell out the kind of money it costs to have his company just to talk. ]
I haven’t just talked to anyone in a very long time. I go home, I sleep, maybe see a movie once in awhile, and come here. It’s my life. I put on an act for horny alphas, sometimes on my back, they leave and the next one shows up. I repeat it until I’m too worn out to make money anymore.
[Natsume listens quietly, looking down at their joined hands, running his thumb over Junpei's knuckles. He's too skinny. Now that he isn't constantly posing and preening, it's easy to see how exhausted he looks. The urge to take care of him is almost as strong as the mindless, base alpha urge to take what he's been insistently offering this entire time.
Somehow, Natsume manages to ignore both these urges. Be different. He just wants to be different, at least this once.]
Then I suggest you enjoy the break. While it lasts. [He squeezes the omega's hand, tight.] What sort of movies?
[ While it lasts. Right. Because once Natsume’s time is up he’s going to vanish into the night and it’ll be time to entertain the next alpha. This is just an extra dinner break tonight minus the food.
Not that he eats much. That would be why he’s so skinny, appetite regularly suppressed by his mood or stressing over staying small enough to fit into the outfits the alphas like to see him in. Omega are considered ideal if they’re small. Fragile. Easily kept in line. ]
I used to watch them more often. Before I started working.
Really? Huh. Interesting. Movie theaters always end up putting me to sleep.
[Natsume knows it's temporary. That he's going to walk out in 35ish minutes and Junpei is going to forget all about him. He's going to go back to work and this will be nothing more than an odd, inexplicable memory.
But at least it'll be something. If it's all he's allowed to be, Natsume can live with being a memory.]
They're warm and dark! And the seats are comfy! [He's blushing again, wrinkling his nose. He's not weird, plenty of people nap in movie theaters!
Natsume considers this for a moment, counting time in his head.] I didn't live here a year ago. I've only been in town for a couple months. I suppose that's why I haven't seen you around school or anything.
[He glances back up, a half-smile curling across his face.] I would've remembered if I'd seen you before.
[ He brings a hand up to slide along the length of the shiny black material of his waitress outfit. It clings against his frame so tightly, making it obvious how thin he is. Even gaining a pound he’d probably not be able to squeeze into it anymore. ]
I don’t really stand out normally. I need the makeup and the outfits to catch the eye. My personality is the same. I kept to myself for the most part. But that was okay. I preferred not to be noticed. Especially if I could keep the alphas from noticing me.
[Natsume tilts his head a little, considering, before slowly moving to stretch out on his front, feet kicked up so he doesn't get his shoes on the bed -- manners, even in a sexy nightclub. He's propped up on his elbows, looking up into Junpei's face. It's a weird position for an alpha to willingly put themselves in -- even subconsciously, most wouldn't let anyone be physically above them, especially not an omega.
But Natsume does, resting his chin in one hand, smiling a little.] I think I still would've. I think I would've noticed you anywhere, no matter what you were wearing.
[ Having Natsume ask that while looking right at him ... Junpei fidgets noticeably, averting his gaze. Keeping eye contact feels way too invasive. As if Natsume can see right into him.
The thought still enters his mind of being back in school, of trying to keep to himself and avoid the harassment of his alpha tormentors. How would he feel if one day there was a guy looking at him this way? Like he's something special? Like he's a desirable omega?
There's no way to stop the blush that's blooming on his cheeks. ]
... I wouldn't know what to do with it. It would be hard to deal with.
Oh. [Natsume frowns a little, reaching out and resting his hand on Junpei's ankle. He can see the red marks from the straps of the high heels, and he absently rubs his thumb over them, trying to soothe them.] I wouldn't want to make it harder.
...it'd be nice if. There was some way I wouldn't. Some way I could make it easier. [He huffs out a wry laugh, scooting a little closer so he can rest his chin on Junpei's knee instead, looking up at him.] That's probably just wishful thinking, but I can't help it.
[ The gentle attention makes a lump form in his throat. All he can do for a few seconds is stare at the tender touch, still in disbelief of what he's seeing. ]
Please ... n-no more ...
[ It hurts. It hurts to have this kindness knowing it will be gone forever in a blink. He's gently pushing Natsume off his knee so he can get up, to put some distance between the two of them. As he goes to the corner of the room, facing the wall, he wraps his arms around his body to hug himself. ]
... this is torture. I ...
[ Tears start to form, searing hot in the corners of his eyes. Before he can control them the sobs start spilling out, thick and filled with agony. ]
[Practically, Natsume knows that the best thing to do would be to back away, to leave, to make some excuse to remove himself. That's his first, immediate inclination, escape the situation he's somehow created.
But there's an instinct there too, stronger than societal awkwardness, something that's been brewing since the second he'd seen Junpei, sitting there in the booth, pale and aloof and beautiful and untouchable. He's not untouchable now, folded in on himself, in tears. Natsume had said all sorts of things about not wanting to save him, but he does. He does.
He's across the room in an instant, reaching out, arms going around the omega's waist to tug him close, face buried against his neck. Every bit of control he'd had is melting away, not because of Junpei's seduction or his lines or his rehearsed actions, but because of his pain. Natsume wants him, wants him so badly it hurts, but he wants to make that pain go away even more.]
Tell me how to fix it. [It's quiet, urgent, almost pleading.] Tell me what to do and I'll do it. Anything. Anything you want.
You ... could only fix it if you could time travel.
[ The closeness, the warmth, the touch meant to comfort and not to titillate. The touch meant for his benefit, not for Natsume's. Beneath the other's body he trembles as the tears slide down his cheeks and fall to the gaudy carpet below.
To ask him to imagine a life where someone loved him for himself. Why? ]
I can't just walk out of my reality. This is how I earn my living. It's all I'm good for.
[Natsume makes a soft, hmph-ing sort of sound that indicates he disagrees, but he doesn't argue. Instead he just nuzzles into Junpei's neck, letting his own scent wrap around the other for a moment -- protective, soothing, reassuring. I'm here and nothing can hurt you.
It's only true for the next 20 minutes. But Natsume isn't moving away.]
I know. I'm not asking you to -- run away with me or something. [Yes he is. That's exactly what he wants.] ...but I'll come back. Here. If you want me to.
[ At the idea of seeing Natsume again his heart skips a beat. He turns his head, eyes wide. ]
But they won't ... just let you in for free. You'd have to pay. And I don't think those guys you came with are going to treat you again after you gave them a bloody nose.
[ It's worth noting there is nothing in what Junpei says that is an outright demand that Natsume not return. As much as he probably should nip this ... whatever this flight of fancy is in the bud, he can't bring himself to shut the other boy out completely. ]
You're still in school, right? You can't possibly have that kind of money.
[ In the small, still undamaged part left in him. The lonely part. The part that holds out hope. That keeps him alive. Usually it’s buried, kept from the light.
He shudders, closing his eyes. ]
I don’t know what will happen if you vanish after saying all these things ... I think the last of something is tied to you now. If you don’t come back, it’ll leave with you. If you decide to check on me a year from now I can’t promise what will be left of me.
[ How did things get this intense in such a short period of time? It feels unnatural. ]
[There are stories like this, romance novels and movies and things, where alphas and omegas who are destined to be together can feel it the second they meet. Natsume had never really believed in that sort of thing before, though. It seemed too absurd, too impossible.
Now he's wondering if he was wrong.]
It won't be a year. It'll be soon. As soon as I can. [He wants to promise an exact day, wants to give Junpei something to hold onto. There's a note of hollow hopelessness in his tone that feels like a knife to the chest.
Gently, Natsume turns Junpei around, hands on his shoulders, looking down into his teary eyes.] Just -- don't give up on me. Okay? Try to believe I'm not lying to you.
[ It's important that Natsume knows that. As cynical and broken as Junpei is, the other's earnestness feels genuine. If he somehow never sees him again, he wants him to at least know he touched him in some way.
Junpei brings a hand forward to press his palm over Natsume's heart. Feeling its gentle beat. Memorizing the rhythm. ]
I just think that life isn't that kind to me. You're too good to happen to me.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ But there’s a quiver in his voice. A crack in the facade. Something about Natsume’s approach is throwing him off kilter. His intensity. His honesty. ]
... my name is Junpei.
[ Suddenly there’s a peek at the vulnerable, scared teenager beneath. He seems his age. ]
I don’t understand why you’re doing this. Is this your kink? Playing this part? Am I supposed to pretend you’re rescuing me? I ... don’t think I can offer that experience.
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[Then his expression goes somber again, a bit of that strained, pained look from before as he shakes his head.] No, that's -- I'm not trying to play out some heroic fantasy. This is real life. This is your life.
[He hesitates, then reaches out for one of Junpei's hands again, gently.] The only thing I want you to pretend, for the next -- [Natsume pauses, checks his watch, because yes, he wore a wristwatch to a nightclub.] -- fifty-five minutes is that I'm not trying to trick you or trap you or use you or manipulate you. That maybe, for the next fifty-five minutes, I'm being sincere.
[He laces their fingers together, offers a little smile.] Can you do that?
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Junpei would like to think that he’s good at reading people as a result of this job. Can tell when they’re putting on a performance, putting on a mask. Everything in him is telling him this guy is sincere, that he really means all these exciting things he’s saying.
Then suddenly he’s lacing their fingers together, being more romantic than anyone has ever been with him in his life. He can feel his heart pounding in his ears. ]
I ... okay ... ?
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The omega was beautiful before, but in a detached kind of way, like a glittering toy -- meant to be used and cast aside. The hopefulness makes him compelling in a different way, and Natsume's chest goes tight and painful. That's the first sign that he's already in way too deep.
He covers it with an easy smile, keeping their hands entwined.] Okay. So. What's your first name?
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[ This is all such strange territory for Junpei. Unexplored and uncertain. Terrifying as much as it is exciting. His eyes look toward the beaded curtain, wondering how the situation with the alpha Natsume had punched had gone but considering nobody had come after them a good sign. ]
L-look I ... still kind of think you’re just not used to attention from omegas. I’m really not sure how else to explain you wanting to just ... act like we’re on a real date or something. I’ve never been on a real date.
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[He follows Junpei's gaze, then leans forward, smiling, nose scrunched a little.] There we go, something we have in common.
Is it so strange to think I might actually just want to spend time with you? With your clothes on?
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[ Bluntly. Because it is. You don’t shell out the kind of money it costs to have his company just to talk. ]
I haven’t just talked to anyone in a very long time. I go home, I sleep, maybe see a movie once in awhile, and come here. It’s my life. I put on an act for horny alphas, sometimes on my back, they leave and the next one shows up. I repeat it until I’m too worn out to make money anymore.
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Somehow, Natsume manages to ignore both these urges. Be different. He just wants to be different, at least this once.]
Then I suggest you enjoy the break. While it lasts. [He squeezes the omega's hand, tight.] What sort of movies?
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[ While it lasts. Right. Because once Natsume’s time is up he’s going to vanish into the night and it’ll be time to entertain the next alpha. This is just an extra dinner break tonight minus the food.
Not that he eats much. That would be why he’s so skinny, appetite regularly suppressed by his mood or stressing over staying small enough to fit into the outfits the alphas like to see him in. Omega are considered ideal if they’re small. Fragile. Easily kept in line. ]
I used to watch them more often. Before I started working.
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[Natsume knows it's temporary. That he's going to walk out in 35ish minutes and Junpei is going to forget all about him. He's going to go back to work and this will be nothing more than an odd, inexplicable memory.
But at least it'll be something. If it's all he's allowed to be, Natsume can live with being a memory.]
How long have you worked here?
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[ What a waste. He seems honestly offended by that! But he buries his film nerd side back down, setting his hands primly in his fishnet clad lap.
The next question has him looking at the ceiling in thought, counting the months in his head. ]
About half a year I guess. It’s been a year since I stopped going to school and I wasn’t doing anything for awhile.
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Natsume considers this for a moment, counting time in his head.] I didn't live here a year ago. I've only been in town for a couple months. I suppose that's why I haven't seen you around school or anything.
[He glances back up, a half-smile curling across his face.] I would've remembered if I'd seen you before.
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[ He brings a hand up to slide along the length of the shiny black material of his waitress outfit. It clings against his frame so tightly, making it obvious how thin he is. Even gaining a pound he’d probably not be able to squeeze into it anymore. ]
I don’t really stand out normally. I need the makeup and the outfits to catch the eye. My personality is the same. I kept to myself for the most part. But that was okay. I preferred not to be noticed. Especially if I could keep the alphas from noticing me.
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But Natsume does, resting his chin in one hand, smiling a little.] I think I still would've. I think I would've noticed you anywhere, no matter what you were wearing.
Would you have disliked that? Me noticing you?
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The thought still enters his mind of being back in school, of trying to keep to himself and avoid the harassment of his alpha tormentors. How would he feel if one day there was a guy looking at him this way? Like he's something special? Like he's a desirable omega?
There's no way to stop the blush that's blooming on his cheeks. ]
... I wouldn't know what to do with it. It would be hard to deal with.
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...it'd be nice if. There was some way I wouldn't. Some way I could make it easier. [He huffs out a wry laugh, scooting a little closer so he can rest his chin on Junpei's knee instead, looking up at him.] That's probably just wishful thinking, but I can't help it.
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Please ... n-no more ...
[ It hurts. It hurts to have this kindness knowing it will be gone forever in a blink. He's gently pushing Natsume off his knee so he can get up, to put some distance between the two of them. As he goes to the corner of the room, facing the wall, he wraps his arms around his body to hug himself. ]
... this is torture. I ...
[ Tears start to form, searing hot in the corners of his eyes. Before he can control them the sobs start spilling out, thick and filled with agony. ]
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But there's an instinct there too, stronger than societal awkwardness, something that's been brewing since the second he'd seen Junpei, sitting there in the booth, pale and aloof and beautiful and untouchable. He's not untouchable now, folded in on himself, in tears. Natsume had said all sorts of things about not wanting to save him, but he does. He does.
He's across the room in an instant, reaching out, arms going around the omega's waist to tug him close, face buried against his neck. Every bit of control he'd had is melting away, not because of Junpei's seduction or his lines or his rehearsed actions, but because of his pain. Natsume wants him, wants him so badly it hurts, but he wants to make that pain go away even more.]
Tell me how to fix it. [It's quiet, urgent, almost pleading.] Tell me what to do and I'll do it. Anything. Anything you want.
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[ The closeness, the warmth, the touch meant to comfort and not to titillate. The touch meant for his benefit, not for Natsume's. Beneath the other's body he trembles as the tears slide down his cheeks and fall to the gaudy carpet below.
To ask him to imagine a life where someone loved him for himself. Why? ]
I can't just walk out of my reality. This is how I earn my living. It's all I'm good for.
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It's only true for the next 20 minutes. But Natsume isn't moving away.]
I know. I'm not asking you to -- run away with me or something. [Yes he is. That's exactly what he wants.] ...but I'll come back. Here. If you want me to.
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But they won't ... just let you in for free. You'd have to pay. And I don't think those guys you came with are going to treat you again after you gave them a bloody nose.
[ It's worth noting there is nothing in what Junpei says that is an outright demand that Natsume not return. As much as he probably should nip this ... whatever this flight of fancy is in the bud, he can't bring himself to shut the other boy out completely. ]
You're still in school, right? You can't possibly have that kind of money.
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Then he looks more serious, setting his jaw in determination.] I'll find a way. I'll figure it out. I promise.
Do you believe me?
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[ In the small, still undamaged part left in him. The lonely part. The part that holds out hope. That keeps him alive. Usually it’s buried, kept from the light.
He shudders, closing his eyes. ]
I don’t know what will happen if you vanish after saying all these things ... I think the last of something is tied to you now. If you don’t come back, it’ll leave with you. If you decide to check on me a year from now I can’t promise what will be left of me.
[ How did things get this intense in such a short period of time? It feels unnatural. ]
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Now he's wondering if he was wrong.]
It won't be a year. It'll be soon. As soon as I can. [He wants to promise an exact day, wants to give Junpei something to hold onto. There's a note of hollow hopelessness in his tone that feels like a knife to the chest.
Gently, Natsume turns Junpei around, hands on his shoulders, looking down into his teary eyes.] Just -- don't give up on me. Okay? Try to believe I'm not lying to you.
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[ It's important that Natsume knows that. As cynical and broken as Junpei is, the other's earnestness feels genuine. If he somehow never sees him again, he wants him to at least know he touched him in some way.
Junpei brings a hand forward to press his palm over Natsume's heart. Feeling its gentle beat. Memorizing the rhythm. ]
I just think that life isn't that kind to me. You're too good to happen to me.
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